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An Introduction To Online Colleges

 by: Tawee Subsomboon

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Online colleges make obtaining a degree a possibility for anyone with access to the internet. If you have always dreamt of obtaining a degree or other certificate then online colleges are a great way to make that dream come true. One of the main benefits of studying with online colleges rather than conventional campus-based colleges is that you can work on your chosen subject at your own pace and at a time that suits you. Instead of having to attend classes and lectures you can fit your study in around work and family commitments. In particular, many stay-at-home moms are finding that online colleges offer course that they can take while the kids are at school in preparation for returning to work when the kids are older.

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Virginia Driver Improvement Program : Defensive Driving & Traffic Schools

 by: Driver Improvement Program Administrator

The following was taken from the DMV’s Brochure:

A Different Kind of Crash Course.:

Nationwide a vehicle crash occurs every five seconds. Roughly, more than 147,737 vehicle crashes occurred on Virginia’s highways last year. The odds are one out of four that you will be involved in a crash during your lifetime.

To reduce these odds, the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles has created a different kind of crash course. Our Driver Improvement Program rewards safe drivers and warns potentially unsafe drivers in advance. It helps educate drivers who have developed risky driving practices and it takes dangerous drivers off the road. Here’s how it works.

What does the point system say about you?

DMV uses a point system to rate drivers. You receive demerit points for unsafe driving and safe driving points for good driving.

Demerit Points are assigned when you commit a traffic violation. Different violations carry different point assignments, depending on the seriousness of the offense. For example, you will receive three demerit points if you make an improper U-turn. However, you will receive six demerit points if you speed 20 miles per hour or more above the posted speed limit. Demerit points remain valid two years from the date you commit an offense.

Safe Driving Points are assigned for each full calendar year that you hold a valid Virginia driver?s license and drive without any violations or suspensions. In some cases, you may also earn safe driving points by completing a driver improvement clinic. You can accumulate a total of five safe driving points and you may use these safe driving points to offset demerit points.

Demerit Points Can Add Up

Each time you commit a traffic offense, DMV adds additional demerit points to your record. This can add up to big trouble for some drive.

Six Point Violations

Reckless Driving/Speeding

Reckless driving - speeding in excess of 80 mph (11 years)

Reckless driving - speeding 20 mph or more above the posted speed limit (11 years)

Reckless driving - racing (11 years)

Reckless driving - passing or overtaking an emergency vehicle (11 years)

Reckless driving - passing a school bus (11 years)

Reckless driving - passing on the crest of a hill (11 years)

Reckless driving - passing at a railroad crossing (11 years)

Reckless driving - passing two vehicles abreast (11 years)

Reckless driving - driving two vehicles abreast (11 years)

Reckless driving - driving too fast for conditions (11 years)

Reckless driving - failing to give a proper signal (11 years)

Reckless driving - faulty brakes/improper control (11 years)

Reckless driving - on parking lots, etc. (11 years)

Reckless driving - with an obstructed view (11 years)

Reckless driving - generally (11 years)

Speeding 20 mph or more above the posted speed limit (5 years)

Driving Under the Influence

Driving while intoxicated (11 years)

Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs (11 years)

Driving under the influence of drugs (11 years)

Driving after illegally consuming alcohol (persons under age 21) (3 years)

Driving while intoxicated - maiming (11 years)

Involuntary manslaughter/alcohol (11 years)

Refusing blood/breath test (11 years)

Driving while your license is revoked for driving while intoxicated (11 years)

Driving while your license is revoked for driving while intoxicated - maiming (11 years)

Driving while your license is revoked for driving while intoxicated - involuntary manslaughter (11 years)

Manslaughter

Manslaughter (11 years)

Involuntary manslaughter (11 years)

Involuntary manslaughter/aggravated (11 years)

Habitual Offenders

Driving after being declared a habitual offender (11 years)

Authorizing person suspended for habitual offender and/or driving while intoxicated to drive (3 years)

Licenses/Permits

Driving on suspended license (11 years)

Driving while your license is suspended or revoked (11 years)

Driving while your license is suspended or revoked for non-payment of court fines and costs (11 years)

Driving under suspension or revocation before giving proof of financial responsibility (11 years)

Commercial Motor Vehicles

Driving commercial motor vehicle while disqualified (*)

Driving commercial motor vehicle with blood alcohol .04 or more (*)

Driving commercial motor vehicle with blood alcohol .08 or more (*)

Driving commercial motor vehicle under influence of drugs (*)

Driving commercial motor vehicle under influence of drugs/alcohol (*)

Refusing blood/breath test while operating commercial motor vehicle (*)

Violating out of service order (11 years)

Other Violations

Failure to stop at the scene of a crash - injury (11 years)

Failure to stop at the scene of a crash - death (11 years)

Failure to stop at the scene of a crash - property damage of $1000 or more (11 years)

Emergency vehicle violation - death (11 years)

Vehicular assault or willful stopping, impeding or damaging vehicle (11 years)

Blocking access to service facility (11 years)

Attempting to elude police

felony offense (11 years)

misdemeanor offense (3 years)

Passing stopped school bus (non-reckless) (3 years)

Operating unsafe vehicle (3 years)

Four Point Violations

Reckless Driving/Speeding

Reckless driving - failure to stop before entering a highway (11 years)

Speeding (5 years)

Speeding 10-14 mph above the posted speed limit (5 years)

Speeding 15-19 mph above the posted speed limit (5 years)

Speeding 10-19 mph above the posted speed limit (5 years)

Passing

Passing when unsafe (3 years)

Passing to the left of approaching vehicle (3 years)

Stopping/Yielding

Failure to drive to the right and stop for police/fire/emergency vehicle (3 years)

Failure to stop for pedestrian with white cane (3 years)

Failure to stop and yield right-of-way (3 years)

Failure to yield right-of-way (3 years)

Failure to yield when turning left (3 years)

Failure to yield to funeral procession (3 years)

Keeping to the Right

Failure to drive on right half of highway or street (3 years)

Failure to keep to the right when crossing an intersection (3 years)

Driving to the left of rotary traffic island (3 years)

Following/Signaling

Following too closely (3 years)

Failure to signal before moving from curb (3 years)

Improper signal (3 years)

Railroad Crossings

Failure to obey railroad crossing signal (3 years)

Failure to stop at railroad grade crossing (3 years)

Failure to keep to the right at a railroad crossing (3 years)

Failure to stop passenger-carrying vehicle at railroad grade crossing (3 years)

Railroad crossing/stopping (3 years)

Improper operation of crawler-type tractor over railroad crossing (3 years)

Railroad Crossings (Commercial Motor Vehicle Drivers)

Failure to slow down/stop at a railroad crossing (*)

Failure to have sufficient space to drive through a railroad crossing (*)

Failure to obey traffic control device or enforcement official at a railroad crossing (*)

Failure to have sufficient undercarriage clearance at a railroad crossing (*)

Other Violations

Failure to stop at the scene of a crash, unattended property, damage in excess of $500 (11 years)

Failure to stop at the scene of a crash, property damage (3 years)

Emergency vehicle violation - property damage (5 years)

Emergency vehicle violation - injury (5 years)

Aggressive driving (5 years)

Failure to obey traffic signal (3 years)

Failure to obey lane directional signal (3 years)

Failure to obey highway lane markings (3 years)

Improper backing, stopping or turning (3 years)

Driving the wrong way on one-way highway or street (3 years)

Impeding/disrupting funeral procession (3 years)

Disregarding police officer’s signal to stop (3 years)

Disregarding crossing guard/officer’s signal (3 years)

Three Point Violations

Speeding

Speeding 1-9 mph above the posted speed limit (5 years)

Impeding traffic, slow speed (5 years)

Passing/Driving

Improper passing (3 years)

Improper passing on the right (3 years)

Improper driving (3 years)

Improper stopping on highway (3 years)

Changing course after signaling (3 years)

Coasting with gears in neutral (3 years)

Failure to give way in favor of overtaking vehicle (3 years)

Failure to give way when abreast of another car (3 years)

Driving through safety zone (3 years)

Driving over fire hose (3 years)

Unauthorized use of crossover on controlled highway (3 years)

Driving/riding on sidewalk (3 years)

Turning/Backing

Improper turn (3 years)

Improper U-turn (3 years)

Violation of right turn on red (3 years)

Violation of left turn on red (3 years)

Signs/Signals

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Failure to obey highway sign (3 years)

Evading traffic control device (3 years)

Lights

Driving without lights/excessive lights (3 years)

Failure to dim headlights (3 years)

Parking without proper lights displayed (3 years)

Inadequate hazard lights (3 years)

Licenses/Permits

No Virginia driver’s license (3 years)

No Virginia license plate (3 years)

Failure to obtain a driver’s license (3 years)

No driver’s license - vehicle/motorcycle (3 years)

Failure to have license revalidated (3 years)

Learner’s permit violation (3 years)

Permitting unlicensed person to drive (3 years)

Driving in violation of restricted license (restrictions related to physical limitation, such as mechanical

control device) (3 years)

Commercial Motor Vehicles

Driving commercial motor vehicle with alcohol in blood (*)

Driving commercial motor vehicle without license (3 years)

Driving commercial motor vehicle with more than 1 driver’s license (3 years)

Driving commercial motor vehicle without endorsement(s) (3 years)

Commercial driver’s license/instruction permit violation (3 years)

Driving commercial motor vehicle in left lane of interstate (3 years)

Driving in excess of 13 hours in a 24-hour period (3 years)

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Driving public passenger-carrying vehicle under age (3 years)

Driving bus transporting school children without a safety belt (3 years)

Driving school bus without license (3 years)

Driving school bus under age (3 years)

Other Violations

Failure to stop at the scene of a crash, unattended property (3 years)

Failure to leave the scene of a crash at the direction of officer (3 years)

Failure to report a crash, unattended property, less than $250 damage (3 years)

Following/parking within 500 feet of fire apparatus (3 years)

Emergency vehicle violation (3 years)

Drinking while driving (3 years)

Improper driving/riding motorcycle (3 years)

Driving with TV screen visible to driver (3 years)

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Driving while using earphones (3 years)

Passenger restriction violation (3 years)

Drive in violation of curfew (3 years)

Please drive to arrive alive! Slow down. Give yourself extra time to arrive at your destination…Leave a little earlier.

Compensate for traffic, road work, construction, accidents and other unforseen circumstances!

Arrive Alive Driving Academy & 5 Safe Points Commercial and Non-Commercial Driver Improvement

A VIRGINIA DRIVER IMPROVEMENT PROGRAM ACADEMY

(757) 405 - 0389

About The Author Driver Improvement Program Administrator http://www.5safepoints.com

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Top 100 Baby Names And Helpful Tips To Consider When Naming Your Baby

 by: Christy Hollis

Are you an expectant parent anxiously waiting for that little package of joy? Yet, you and your spouse are still looking for that perfect name? Well…fret no more! The list of the top 100 baby names may be the answer to your prayers.

Searching for your baby’s name is loads of fun, whether you’re seeking a name for your soon-to-be baby boy or baby girl, wondering about the popularity of your own first name, or just curious about what names in the top 100 are currently hot.

What is particularly interesting is tracking the popularity of baby names over the decades. In looking through baby name lists from 1880 to the present, some amusing patterns emerge, particularly in regards to baby names for girls.

For example, in Victorian times, Biblical names such as Mary, Sarah and Ruth were very popular for baby girls. There were also many baby names that are now considered very old-fashioned like Martha, Alice, Bertha and Minnie.

>From the 1920s to the 1950s certain baby names rose in popularity. These included names such as Susan, Debbie, Patricia, and Linda. All of these baby names have since waned, to be replaced, by the 1980s, with fancier names such as Jennifer, Jessica and Nicole.

However, according to the new top 100 baby names, there’s been a lot of renewed interest in the more “old-fashioned” names like Hannah, Abigail and Ethan, plus many Biblical names such as Sarah, Rachel, Joshua, Jacob, and Samuel. There’s also been a surge in nontraditional baby names including Madison, Ashley and Brianna for baby girls, and Brandon and Logan for baby boys.

When naming a baby there are, of course, many other points to consider besides how popular or unique a name is. Here are some helpful tips that you can use with your spouse and immediate family in choosing a name for the new baby and to make the process fun:

1. Baby names need to go nicely with the sound of your last name. Also, pick a first name and a middle name that go together well. (So maybe not something like Erasmus Beelzebub Jones!)

2. When your family finds a name you all like, observe the initials to be sure that you don’t give your new baby a name with initials that will make people laugh or cause teasing by his or her peers. (For example: Pamela Iris Greer, which equals P.I.G. !)

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3. You might not want a baby name that is so unusual that the other kids will make fun of your child in school which could result in low self esteem. So please do not be selfish when choosing a name.

4. You also might not want a baby name that is so trendy that it will sound funny by the time the baby is ten years old. (For example… Sunshine.)

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5. Be careful not to pick a name that’s really cute for an adorable little baby but will sound silly when your little one grows up. (For example, Dimples or Cutie Pie.)

6. Avoid baby names that might produce insulting nicknames when people shorten them. (So maybe not Smellonius, or Smelly for short !)

7. You and your family might not want a name that is so hard to spell or to pronounce that people will always get it wrong and therefore, your poor son or daughter will have to go through their enire life correcting people.

8. You and your family might want to pick baby names in honor of favorite relatives or ancestors, or special names that show your family’s ethnic roots. You may even want to borrow a name from one of your favorite celebrities or sports athelete.

9. Study the top 100 baby names and choose one that has a special meaning that you like - maybe something that means “strong” or “kind” or “brave”.

10. Look at your own family names and see if using any name combinations create unusual baby names you like. Ask other family members for their suggestions, even invite your friends to give you their opinions. Does a relative have names you like? Do be careful if the names are already used. Ask other family members to be sure your favorite unusual baby names are not given to relatives. It can become confusing in families when two people have the same names.

Have fun and enjoy viewing the top 100 baby names when choosing your child’s names. Enjoy and celebrate the moment. You will know it was worth every minute spent looking for that baby boy or baby girl name…a name that will identify them for their lifetime.

About The Author Oh yes! Further brainstorming would be a surprise to the expert. Be pleased with reading more and more as specific significant technicalities would follow. Come visit Christy Hollis at http://www.online-shopping-101.com/top-100-baby-names/top-100-baby-names.html. She is Vice President and Editor of Online Shopping 101 at http://www.online-shopping-101.com. christy@online-shopping-101.com

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nting - The Irrational Vocation

 by: Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.

There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance is involved in feeling that children are more a satisfaction than a nuisance. Why do people bother with parenting? It is time consuming, exhausting, strains otherwise pleasurable and tranquil relationships to their limits. Still, humanity keeps at it: breeding.

It is the easiest to resort to Nature. After all, all living species breed and most of them parent. We are, all taken into consideration, animals and, therefore, subject to the same instinctive behaviour patterns. There is no point in looking for a reason: survival itself (whether of the gene pool or, on a higher level, of the species) is at stake. Breeding is a transport mechanism: handing the precious cargo of genetics down generations of “organic containers”.

But this is a reductionist view, which both ignores epistemological and emotional realities – and is tautological, thereby explaining something in terms of itself. Calling something by a different name or describing the mechanisms involved in minute detail does not an explanation make.

First hypothesis: we bring children to the world in order to “circumvent” death. We attain immortality (genetically and psychologically – though in both cases it is imaginary) by propagating our genetic material through the medium of our offspring.

This is a highly dubious claim. Any analysis, however shallow, will reveal its weaknesses. Our genetic material gets diluted beyond reconstruction with time. It constitutes 50% of the first generation, 25% of the second and so on. If this were the paramount concern – incest should have been the norm, being a behaviour better able to preserve a specific set of genes (especially today, when genetic screening can effectively guard against the birth of defective babies). Moreover, progeny is a dubious way of perpetuating one’s self. No one remembers one’s great great grandfathers. One’s memory is better preserved by intellectual feats or architectural monuments. The latter are much better conduits than children and grandchildren.

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Still, this indoctrinated misconception is so strong that a baby boom characterizes post war periods. Having been existentially threatened, people multiply in the vain belief that they thus best protect their genetic heritage and fixate their memory.

In the better-educated, higher income, low infant mortality part of the world – the number of children has decreased dramatically – but those who still bring them to the world do so partly because they believe in these factually erroneous assumptions.

Second hypothesis: we bring children to the world in order to preserve the cohesiveness of the family nucleus. This claim can more plausibly be reversed: the cohesiveness of the social cell of the family encourages bringing children to the world. In both cases, if true, we would have expected more children to be born into stable families (ante or post facto) than into abnormal or dysfunctional ones. The facts absolutely contradict this expectation: more children are born to single parent families (between one third and one half of them) and to other “abnormal” (non-traditional) families than to the mother-father classic configuration. Dysfunctional families have more children than any other type of family arrangement. Children are an abject failure at preserving family cohesiveness. It would seem that the number of children, or even their very existence, is not correlated to the stability of the family. Under special circumstances, (Narcissistic parents, working mothers) they may even be a destabilizingfactor.

Hypothesis number three: children are mostly born unwanted. They are the results of accidents and mishaps, wrong fertility planning, wrong decisions and misguided turns of events. The more sex people engage in and the less preventive measures they adopt – the greater the likelihood of having a child. While this might be factually true (family planning is all but defunct in most parts of the world), it neglects the simple fact that people want children and love them. Children are still economic assets in many parts of the world. They plough fields and do menial jobs very effectively. This still does not begin to explain the attachment between parents and their offspring and the grief experienced by parents when children die or are sick. It seems that people derive enormous emotional fulfilment from being parents. This is true even when the children were unwanted in the first place or are the results of lacking planning and sexual accidents. That children ARE the results of sexual ignorance, bad timing, the vigorousness of the sexual drive (higher frequency of sexual encounters) – can be proven using birth statistics among teenagers, the less educated and the young (ages 20 to 30).

People derive great happiness, fulfilment and satisfaction from their children. Is not this, in itself, a sufficient explanation? The pleasure principle seems to be at work: people have children because it gives them great pleasure. Children are sources of emotional sustenance. As parents grow old, they become sources of economic support, as well. Unfortunately, these assertions are not sustained by the facts. Increasing mobility breaks families apart at an early stage. Children become ever more dependent on the economic reserves of their parents (during their studies and the formation of a new family). It is not uncommon today for a child to live with and off his parents until the age of 30. Increasing individualism leaves parents to cope with the empty nest syndrome. Communication between parents and children has rarefied in the 20th century.

It is possible to think of children as habit forming (see: “The Habit of Identity”). In this hypothesis, parents – especially mothers – form a habit. Nine months of pregnancy and a host of social reactions condition the parents. They get used to the presence of an “abstract” baby. It is a case of a getting used to a concept. This is not very convincing. Entertaining a notion, a concept, a thought, an idea, a mental image, or a symbol very rarely leads to the formation of a habit. Moreover, the living baby is very different to its pre-natal image. It cries, it soils, it smells, it severely disrupts the lives of its parents. It is much easier to reject it then to transform it to a habit. Moreover, a child is a bad emotional investment. So many things can and do go wrong with it as it grows. So many expectations and dreams are frustrated. The child leaves home and rarely reciprocates. The emotional “returns” on an investment in a child are rarely commensurate with the magnitude of the investment.

This is not to say that people do NOT derive pleasure and fulfilment from their offspring. This is undeniable. Yet, it is neither in the economic nor in the mature emotional arenas. To have children seems to be a purely Narcissistic drive, a part of the pursuit of Narcissistic supply.

For further elaboration, please refer to: “Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited” and the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) sections.

We are all Narcissists, to a greater or lesser degree. A Narcissist is a person who projects a (false) image to the people around him. He then proceeds to define himself by this very image reflected back at him. Thus, he regards people as mere instruments, helpful in his Sisyphean attempt at self-definition. Their attention is crucial because it augments his weak ego and defines its boundaries. The Narcissist feeds off their admiration, adoration and approval and these help him to maintain a grandiose (fantastic and delusional) sense of self. As the personality matures, Narcissism is replaced with the ability to empathize and to love. The energy (libido) initially directed at loving one’s (false) self is redirected at more multidimensional, less idealized “targets”: others. This edifice of maturity seems to crumble at the sight of one’s offspring. The baby evokes in the parent the most primordial drives, a regression to infancy, protective, animalistic instincts, the desire to merge with the newborn anda sense of terror generated by such a desire (a fear of vanishing and of being assimilated). The parent relives his infancy and childhood through the agency of the baby. The newborn provides the parent with endless, unconditional and unbounded Narcissistic supply. This is euphemistically known as love – but it is really a form of symbiotic dependence, at least in the beginning of the relationship. Such narcissistic supply is addictive even to the more balanced, more mature, more psychodynamically stable of parents.

It enhances the parent’s self-confidence, self esteem and buttresses his self image. It fast becomes indispensable, especially in the emotionally vulnerable position in which the parent finds himself. This vulnerability is a result of the reawakening and reconstruction of all the conflicts and unsolved complexes that the parent had with his own parents.

If explanation is true, the following should also hold true:

• The higher the self confidence, the self esteem, the self worth, the clearer and more realistic the self image of the potential parent – the less children he will have (the Principle of the Conservation of the Ego boundaries)

• The more sources of readily available Narcissistic supply – the less children are needed (the substitutability of Narcissistic sources of supply)

Sure enough, both predictions are validated by reality. The higher the education and the income of adults – the fewer children they tend to have. People with a higher education and with a greater income are more likely to have a more established sense of self worth. Children become counter-productive: not only is their Narcissistic input (supply) unnecessary, they can also hinder further progress.

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Having children is not a survival or genetically oriented imperative. Had this been the case, the number of children would have risen together with free income. Yet, exactly the reverse is happening: the more children people can economically afford – the fewer they have. The more educated they are (=the more they know about the world and about themselves), the less they seek to procreate. The more advanced the civilization, the more efforts it invests into preventing the birth of children: contraceptives, family planning, abortions. These all are typical of affluent, well educated societies.

And the more Narcissistic supply can be derived from other sources – the less do people resort to making children and to other procreative activities (such as sex). Freud described the mechanism of sublimation: the sex drive, the Eros (libido), can be “converted”, “sublimated” into other activities. All the sublimatory channels and activities are Narcissistic in character: politics, art. They all provide what children do: narcissistic supply. They make children redundant. It is not by coincidence that people famous for their creativity tend to have less children than the average (most of them, none at all). They are Narcissistically self sufficient, they do not need children.

This seems to be the key to our determination to have children:

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To experience the unconditional love that we received from our mothers, this intoxicating feeling of being loved without caveats, for what we are, with no limits, reservations, or calculations. This is the most powerful, crystallized source of Narcissistic supply. It nourishes our self-love, self worth and self-confidence. It infuses us with feelings of omnipotence and omniscience. In these, and other respects, it is a return to infancy.

Appendix

Question:

Is there a “typical” relationship between the Narcissist and his family?

Answer:

We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter. The narcissist is no exception.

The narcissist has a dichotomous view of humanity: humans are either Sources of Narcissistic Supply (and, then, idealised and over-valued) or do not fulfil this function (and, therefore, are valueless, devalued). The narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself. From the outside he needs approval, affirmation, admiration, adoration, attention – in other words, externalised Ego boundary functions. He does not require – nor does he seek – his parents’ or his siblings’ love, or to be loved by his children. He casts them as the audience in the theatre of his inflated grandiosity. He wishes to impress them, shock them, threaten them, infuse them with awe, inspire them, attract their attention, subjugate them, or manipulate them. He emulates and simulates an entire range of emotions and employs every means to achieve these effects. He lies (narcissists are pathological liars – their very self is a false one). He plays the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable. Hestuns and shines with outstanding intellectual, or physical (or anything else appreciated by the members of the family) capacities and achievements. When confronted with (young) siblings or with his own children, the narcissist is likely to undergo three reactive phases:

At first, he perceives his offspring as a threat to his Narcissistic Supply Sources (his turf, the Pathological Narcissistic Space). He does his best to belittle them, hurt (also physically) and humiliate them and then, when these reactions prove ineffective or counter productive, he retreats into an imaginary world of omnipotence. A period of emotional absence and detachment ensues. The narcissist indulges himself in daydreaming, delusions of grandeur, planning of future coups, nostalgia and hurt (the Lost Paradise Syndrome). The narcissist reacts this way to the birth of his children or to the introduction of new centres of attention to the family cell (even a new pet!).

Whatever the narcissist perceives to be his competition for scarce Narcissistic Supply is relegated to the role of the enemy. Where no legitimacy exists for the uninhibited expression of the aggression and hostility aroused by this predicament – the narcissist prefers to stay away. He disconnects, detaches himself emotionally, becomes cold and disinterested, directs transformed anger at his mate or at his parents (the more legitimate targets).

Other narcissists see the opportunity in the “mishap”. They seek to manipulate their parents (or their mate) by “taking over” the newcomer. Such narcissists monopolise their siblings or their new-born children. This way, indirectly, the narcissist basks in the attention directed at the infant. An example: by being closely identified with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother (”What an outstanding father he is”). He also assumes part of or all the credit for baby’s/sibling’s achievements. This is a process of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships.

As the baby/sibling grows older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his folies-de-grandeur. These roles – allocated to them explicitly and demandingly or implicitly and perniciously by the narcissist – are best fulfilled by ones whose mind is not fully formed and independent. The older the siblings or offspring, the more they become critical, even judgmental, of the narcissist. They are better able to put into context and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to anticipate his moves. They refuse to continue to play the mindless pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what he has done to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance. They can gauge his true stature, talents and achievements – which, usually, lag far behind the claims that he makes.

This brings the narcissist a full cycle back to the first phase. Again, he perceives his Siblings or sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned, in one of the spastic devaluation reactions typical of his appraisal of humans around him. He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and cold, rejects any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the preciousness and scarceness of his time. He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and claustrophobic. He wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have become totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand why he has to support them, to suffer their company and he believes himself to have been trapped. He rebels either passively-aggressively (by refusing to act or intentionally sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly critical, aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and so on). Slowly – to justify his acts to himself – he gets immersed in conspiracy theories with clear paranoid hues. To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek to belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him, stymie his growth. The narcissist usually finally gets what he wants and the family that he has created disintegrates to his great sorrow (due to the loss of the Narcissistic Space) – but also to his great relief and surprise (how could they have let go someone as unique as he?).

This is the cycle: the narcissist feels threatened by arrival of new family members – assimilation of siblings or offspring – obtaining Narcissistic Supply from them – overvaluation of these new sources by the narcissist – as sources grow older and independent, they adopt anti narcissistic behaviours – the narcissist devalues them – the narcissist feels stifled and trapped – the narcissist becomes paranoid – the narcissist rebels and the family disintegrates. This cycle characterises not only the family life of the narcissist. It is to be found in other realms of his life (his career, for instance). At work, the narcissist, initially, feels threatened (no one knows him, he is a nobody). Then, he develops a circle of admirers, cronies and friends which he “nurtures and cultivates” in order to obtain Narcissistic Supply from them. He overvalues them (they are the brightest, the most loyal, with the biggest chances to climb the corporate ladder and other superlatives).

But following some anti-narcissistic behaviours on their part (a critical remark, a disagreement, a refusal, however polite, all constitute such behaviours) – the narcissist devalues all these previously over-valued individuals. Now they are stupid, lack ambition, skills and talents, common (the worst expletive in the narcissist’s vocabulary), with an unspectacular career ahead of them. The narcissist feels that he is misallocating his resources (for instance, his time). He feels besieged and suffocated. He rebels and erupts in a serious of self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours, which lead to the disintegration of his life.

Doomed to build and ruin, attach and detach, appreciate and depreciate, the narcissist is predictable in his Death Wish. What sets him apart from other suicidal types is that his wish is granted to him in small, tormenting doses throughout his anguished life.

About The Author Sam Vaknin is the author of “Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited” and the editor of mental health categories in The Open Directory, Suite101, and searcheurope.com. His web site: http://samvak.tripod.com Frequently asked questions regarding narcissism: http://samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Suite101: http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd

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Is Change Really About Behaviors in Public Schools?

 by: Leanne Hoagland-Smith

Much is written about behaviors in elementary schools, middle schools and high schools. The question is to ask is it really the behaviors that need to be changed? Are not behaviors the desired end result? Doesn t our society long for young people whom demonstrate the behaviors of respect as well as being engaged students? Would not our schools be far better off with students whose behaviors consistently contribute positively to the overall goals for the school district? If our young people could consistently behave in a way that leads to a balanced life and achieve their dreams, wouldn t that be incredible? From the answers to these questions, then behaviors are truly the desired result and hence are the end and not the beginning.

What prompted these questions were several recent conversations with clients. A school administer had contacted me about providing some consultation work around bullying. Schools across America are facing an increased in bullying and have instituted numerous programs. Some of these programs have been successful, but the bullying isn t going away even when the perceived causes change.

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After several minutes of listening to the issues within this school, I made the observation that Bullying behaviors appeared to be more of symptom than the real problem facing this school. The real problem was the presence of a multitude of belief systems that existed within the school. These different belief systems remind me of the Bumper Cars carnival ride where the cars consistently bump, nudge and slam into each other. Continuing with this analogy, the bullying behavior is the outcome of these forces working against each other.

Of course in today s political correct world, we cannot use the word beliefs because someone immediately thinks of religion and how church and state must be kept separate. Yet, beliefs simply are those foundational, internal thought processes that determine what we do as individuals. A variety of attitudes or what some call habits of thought support these beliefs systems.

For example, in education there are many resources devoted to helping at risk children. These resources have been in place for over 40 years and have developed a belief system that at risk children need these resources and without these resources they will not be successful. However, the outcomes of improved academic performance continue to elude many of our schools. The recently released Nation s Report Card showed no progress during the last 33 years in reading scores for 17 years old and these students average scores were not even close to mastery of the reading skills required in today s knowledge driven workplace.

One of the newer belief systems in education centers focuses on the behaviors of young children. Never in our history have we had so many children on medication to treat active children or what some call hyperactive children. One would think that this phenomenon is an anomaly given that 40 to 50 years ago this problem was fairly insignificant. Now if a child acts up, a belief system reinforces the need for medication and special education. Can you imagine what classrooms and schools will look like in another 40 years?

Until belief systems are first acknowledged and then identified, sustainable change will continue to allude our educational institutions.. But what is even more important, the persistent application of traditional solutions will drain our critical resources and continue to harm our young people and set them up for a life of failure instead of success.

Copyright 2005(c) Leanne Hoagland-Smith, www.processspecialist.com

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This article may be freely published. Permission to publish this article, electronically or in print, as long as the bylines are included, with a live link, and the article is not changed in any way (grammatical corrections accepted).

About The Author Okay. Just keep away yourself from the other casual hierarchy of facts as this report is among the best of the bests. Get additional benefits by taking a look at this further. Leanne Hoagland-Smith, M.S. helps students, parents and educators to double results usually within 4 to 12 weeks. She specializes in change through proven processes within large urban schools. If doubling performance to improving your school s culture, visit www.processspecialist.com/youth.htm or ask to subscribe to complimentary copy of Power Choices a monthly newsletter at www.processspecialist.com/newsletters.htm

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Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

 by: Laura Bankston

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a natural way for them to develop motor skills? If you’ve never looked at cooking that way before, think again. There’s a reason why kids have a universal love for cooking - just like for stacking blocks and banging!

Cooking is especially good for preschoolers and here’s how:

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1. Two year olds are developing large muscles in their arms: They will enjoy stirring and stirring and stirring . My two year old is always asking to stir; and her subconscious knows why! At 2 years old, a child naturally imitates circular strokes as part of their normal physical development. So, let them stir at every opportunity.

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Here are some ways to encourage arm muscle development through cooking:

• stirring: flour, eggs, pancake batter, gelatin making, etc.
• scrubbing potatoes and vegetables
• cleaning the cutting board: Give them a washcloth and some lukewarm water with the cutting board in the sink. They’ll have a blast rubbing the wet washcloth up and down the cutting board to clean it.
• pouring from large measuring cups into a bowl

2. Two year olds are developing the ability to turn pages: Another motor skill developed during the preschool age is the ability to turn pages.

So - just pondering here…is it the story they love so much or just turning the pages of the book? Well, actually both. They need the motor development of turning the pages; and the pictures and vocabulary improve their intellectual development.

3. Two year olds love “patting” and “pressing”: From being fascinated with “patty-cake” chants at an early age, preschooler’s still love to pat and press.

I’m sure you’ll recognize your preschooler doing this at the park: scooping up rocks or sand, piling them up, and patting the top into different shapes.

Well, here’s some suggestions to bring the “patting” inside:

• packing down brown sugar in the measuring cup
• gently pressing a fork on top of peanut butter cookie dough on the cookie sheet
• patting to level off the top of a cup of sugar
• patting and pressing on pizza dough
• pressing down with a cookie cutter on rolled sugar cookie dough

4. Two year olds love to dip - and this develops arm muscles skills too!: it takes a lot of coordination to dip! Getting the food in the dip, then moving the arm and somehow getting it into your mouth. If it wasn’t difficult, they wouldn’t get food all over their face!

So, unless your 2 year old always has a clean face when he or she is done eating, here’s some dipping opportunities:

• carrots in salad dressing
• french fries in catsup
• dipping a spoon in the emptied batter bowl to clean out the goodies
• dipping fruit in a fruit dip or chocolate (like frozen bananas or strawberries)
• dipping chicken or fish in a batter for you to cook
• dipping the bread in French toast mix

So, instead of “shooing” your preschoolers and 2 year olds out of the kitchen, let them dive in with these simple tasks that not only give them great pleasure, but help them develop their age appropriate motor skills.

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About The Author Laura Bankston is author of Internationally selling Cooking with Kids Curriculum: Homeschool Cooking in a Box and the Homeschool Cookbook . She currently home schools her three children, maintains home school support websites, and manages their family-owned service business. For information on her curriculum and free home school support services, please visit http://www.homeschoolcookbook.com laura@homeschoolcookbook.com

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