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Clean Slates and Fresh Starts

 by: Patricia Gatto

Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts and new clothes. Pens, pencils and notebooks, the smell of a new box of crayons and a brand new book; it all speaks of such promise.

It’s the first week of school and everyone starts with an “A”. Children are on their best behavior as they cautiously gauge their new surrounding. But once those first days fade and familiarity takes shape, the playing ground is no longer even. A pecking order becomes evident as cliques form and personalities emerge. And it is this pecking order that can make children unintentionally cruel to each other.

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If I could bottle up a time, it would be the first week of school. Every child, for at least those first few days, has a new beginning, a fresh start and is on his or her best behavior. If I could capture the essence that lingers in the air and label it “open when necessary,” it would be an invaluable gift.

It is easy to overlook the suffering of others, especially when maturity and compassion have not yet developed. But as an adult, if you knew your child was taunting and teasing another classmate, would you ignore the situation and chalk it up to “kids will be kids,” or take the time to correct the situation?

Maybe the little girl in the front row can’t concentrate on her schoolwork because her parents are fighting. And the boy in the corner is withdrawn and tired because he spends his nights taking care of an alcoholic parent. Or maybe the overweight girl they laugh at is using food to bury her secrets and sorrows.

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Although the harsh realities of social injustice are too heavy for a young child to comprehend, it is never too early to encourage empathy and compassion. If your child is quick to tease or judge, remind him that making fun of others is never cool. Ask him to put himself in the other child’s shoes and just try to imagine how it would feel if someone made fun of him.

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Remind your child about the first day of school when the slate was clean and everyone started with an “A”. And encourage him to reach out and give his classmate another chance as if he held a magical bottle marked “open when necessary” filled with fresh starts and good behavior.

About The Author Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis are the authors of MILTON’S DILEMMA, the tale of a lonely boy’s magical journey to friendship and self-acceptance. As advocates for literacy and children’s rights, the authors speak at schools and community events to foster awareness and provide children with a safe and healthy learning environment. For more information, please visit Joyful Productions at http://www.joyfulproductions.com pgatto@ptd.net

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Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the Victims

 by: Dawn Fry

How many times have you flipped through the pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like Brats, Bullies, or Mean and Selfish ? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today s media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America s so-called out-of-control children. The problem is, while these negative images are a wake up call, they are not doing anything to help troubled children. In fact, they only add to the problem. By labeling children brats, bullies, or mean and selfish, we are imposing the very same behaviors on them that we teach as being wrong.

In Robert Shaw s book, The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and the Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children, he asserts that Our culture no longer offers what children need to truly thrive. That is, some children are so unruly because society has unknowingly taught them to act this way

Getting Down to the Root of the Problem

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The epidemic that Shaw discusses is a result of a deeply rooted social system called Authoritarianism, which is a system of behaviors that manipulate and control through pain and humiliation. These behaviors include blaming, shaming, preaching, moralizing, accusing, ridiculing, belittling, evaluating, labeling, threatening, judging, and punishing all bullying behaviors. These behaviors disrespect, discourage, and devalue the person to whom they are directed. When such authoritarian behaviors are imposed on children, the end result is usually a loss of dignity and self-respect. Instead of helping them overcome their problems, these methods only make children feel worse about themselves, causing them to react by displaying the same authoritarian behaviors.

Authoritarian behaviors are so deeply rooted that even professional advocates who speak out against bullying resort to using the same tactics. For example, on an episode of his TV. show, Dr. Phil McGraw interviewed a teenage girl who was being verbally and physically abused by other girls at school. Since the accused girls refused to appear on the program, Dr. Phil delivered a message to them by looking and speaking directly into the camera. When he began to ridicule the accused girls and call them names, the audience immediately applauded and cheered with approval. Both Dr. Phil and his audience were advocating the very same behaviors that he was speaking against. Bullying is so deeply rooted in today s society, that it now seems reasonable.

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Adding to our trouble, our nation as a whole has a reputation of being a bully because of our authoritarian behaviors. In fact, The San Francisco Chronicle recently ran an article entitled 9/11 Reminds Chinese of America, a Global Bully. In the article a student at the Beijing Institute of Science said, America is a bully, so when someone hits back, it feels good. When bullying is directed at children, the cycle continues. Many bullied children end up being bullies themselves because it feels good, causing others to feel like victims for much of their life.

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It s Time for a Behavior Check

The fact is that children learn from modeled behaviors. While it is true that some children are, as the media says, out-of-control, they did not end up that way by themselves. Children are who they are because of their environment. They learn how to act by watching the people who are closest to them. The behaviors they see are the behaviors they will take on. This being said, if we truly want to help a child make a change for the better, we must first take a closer look at our own actions and behaviors. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What kind of behaviors am I displaying in front of children?
• Are these the same behaviors I want them to show toward others?

It is Up to Us

Fortunately, alternatives to authoritarian behaviors exist. We are not powerless in our struggle for social change. Many child advocates not only speak out against these behaviors, but they also offer effective solutions that create physically and emotionally healthy children.

World-renowned experts and authors such as Alfie Kohn, Beyond Discipline, From Compliance to Community; Roger Schank, Coloring Outside The Lines; and David Elkind, The Hurried Child are social heroes of our time. They have been speaking out against the injustices of our system for many years, and their wisdom is bringing about a social change we desperately need.

The problems with America s children may seem overwhelming at times, but there are proven solutions. By changing our childcare practices and behaviors, we can restructure our nation s intellectual, economic, physical, political, moral, and emotional values. Children are at the mercy of the people responsible for their care. Instead of speaking out against our children, we need to be friendly with them, and speak up for them. It is up to us to make a difference in their lives.

About The Author Dawn Fry is the founder and CEO of Helping Our Children Productions, a publishing company that provides educational CD s giving practical help to families and childcare professionals. Ms. Fry has more than 60,000 hours of professional experience working with children. Dawn@DawnTalk.com

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For the past several years I have struggled with getting (and staying) fit. Ok I admit it, the struggle has been longer than just a few years. As a kid, instead of playing nicely with the girls, I fought with the neighborhood boys. I attempted to join their fun and received new scars weekly in bloody games of soccer. I was always the last one picked to play on the kickball team and, as the catcher of my 5th grade softball team, I pummeled the pitcher in the head with a fast ball. Uncoordinated in team sports, I succeeded only at baton twirling which was fun but I barely broke a sweat. After failures in group sports I thought I d try running so, a few years ago I attempted to train for a half marathon. I ended up limping home in tears and thought I d never exercise again. (I couldn t even MOVE after that, much less exercise!)

Over the years I ve used walking as a way of getting out of the house, of warming up for more vigorous exercise and just to hang out with friends. This year, walking has turned into much more for me. Walking allows me to integrate mind, body, and spirit in a way that I ve not experienced before. Athletes speak of being in the zone. I see that I too am an athlete and that walking can be vigorous and can provide my body with the movement it craves. Walking has allowed me to reclaim fitness goals that I had given up on. I think I ve finally found something that I can be good at and stick with long term!

Movement in the body brings movement in the mind. It is a natural alchemy. So many of us seek this kind of movement in our lives, a fusion of being and doing. Carolyn Scott Kortge from her book, The Spirited Walker

These days, our lives are set at an incredibly frantic pace. We have so much on our plates that we fear we’ll never get everything done, and we wonder when we’ll find time to do those things that bring us pleasure. Even when the world seems to be spinning out of control, walking can restore our sense of inner peace. Time seems to expand, giving us a chance to slow down, to relax, to appreciate ourselves and our lives.

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Even when we are ‘just going out for a walk’, we are hardly ever just walking. We carry our mind around with us when we walk, so we are usually absorbed in our own thoughts. I have come to see that the sole work of walking has turned into soul work. I have even nicknamed some of my walks with particularly insightful friends walk and talks where we process life together and use walking as a metaphor for moving forward in life.

And then there s walking alone which frees us up for some internal dialogue. I ve learned to turn off the cell phone, take off the headphones and stop drowning out the natural world. When I allow myself to hear my own thoughts and resolve any internal conflicts, I am at peace in the sanctuary of my mind. Moving meditation, or spiritual walking is a wonderful way of grounding ourselves in our own presence.

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“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it. If one just keeps on walking, everything will be all right.” Soren Kierkegaard

Even if our job is wonderful, our family is healthy and our future seems bright, we can lose touch with the deepest part of ourself unless we slow down enough to breathe deeply, to still our thoughts and to observe the natural world with a sense of wonder. Walking with awareness provides us with an opportunity to connect with the surrounding nature and our “inner nature”. Then we are able to tend to the trinity that we are made up of - mind, body and spirit. In creating a balance among all three, we enhance the quality of all areas of our life.

Use a long walk or hike to come home to yourself. If you don’t go within you ll go without!

So often we walk hurriedly, rushing from place to place in a state of mindless detachment. Spiritual walking is a form of meditation in motion. Pick a route that will allow you to practice mindfulness by fully engaging your senses. Feel the hard pavement or soft grass beneath your feet, drink in the aroma of the honeysuckle as you pass by and make a mental note of what flowers are in bloom. Notice the feel of the wind against your face. The rhythm of walking helps us to quiet our minds and from time to time we may receive inspiration or gain insight into some troubled area of our lives.

Plan a walking retreat.

You can use walking as a sort of mini-retreat. I’m not talking about going away for a week or even a weekend, unless you want to, of course. I’m suggesting that you set aside a few hours, or even a full day for an exploration on foot - far from the demands of work, home, and family.

First, choose a date on your calendar and mark it as your “retreat day.” You want this day to be yours, for your personal walking adventure. Next, identify a place that you want to explore on foot. If you enjoy being out in nature, call your local parks and recreation department to request maps of your area. If you love looking at homes and gardens (one of my favorite kinds of walks), think of a neighborhood that you’d like to see up close. You want to spend your time walking, not driving so try to choose a location that’s not too far from home. If you never have to get in your car, that s even better.

The hour-long neighborhood walk that I take ends in a long slope that leads to the street that I live on. I listen to my body tell me, we can t do this, we ll never make it home. I hear my own inner demons loud and clear and then I bid them farewell using positive self-talk. As I approach the top of the hill I recount what a wonderful walk it was and how strong I am becoming. I m glad it s over, yet I m already looking forward to the next outing!

I am grateful for spiritual walking. For me, it is a new route to wellbeing, a merger of muscle and mind. Infusing my exercise routine with spirituality has turned a good walk into a God walk!

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About the Author

Diana Kennedy helps people just like you transform from the inside out. Start transforming your life today - subscribe to Diana’s free Ezine Living from Spirit ~ A Breath of Inspirationat http://www.DianaKennedy.com.

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Dogs & Kids: Happy Together

 by: Gene R. Sower

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Dogs and kids, it’s a combination that at it’s best can be the stuff of childhood dreams. At it’s worst, it can be a source of heartache and pain and even injury. How can you ensure that your child and Man’s Best Friend have a loving and safe relationship? Mostly, it’s the responsibility of the adults of the house to teach toddlers and even older children that a dog is not a toy. It’s a living, breathing creature that feels pain, shame and humiliation as much as love, pride and happiness. A dog that bites a child may only be defending itself the only way it knows how. But to minimize ever having to worry about a parent’s worst nightmare, family animal psychologist, Larry Lachman, M.S., offers the following advice:

SAFETY PREVENTION TIPS TO TEACH YOUR CHILD:

• Do NOT reach for a dog’s head the first time they meet a dog nor excessively rough house around their own dog’s head and face.

• Do NOT look a dog straight in the eyes, which could be seen as a threat or challenge by the dog.

• Do NOT run up frantically to a dog, which may react fearfully and defend itself or jump and bite at the child’s face.

• Do NOT scream loudly at a dog, which could stress a dog or startle it, causing an aggressive response.

• Do NOT bother the dog while it is eating or chewing on a chew toy, which could trigger an aggressive guarding response, especially if the child is under seven years of age, where he/she is looked at by the dog as a competing animal in the pack.

• Do NOT hit, kick, slap, ride, or tease the dog in any manner.

• Do NOT leave the child and dog alone until the child is older than 7, and can control its impulses.

Adults Should Take The Time…

• To show the child HOW TO POSITIVELY interact and pet the dog under direct supervision.

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• To show the child how to be a junior dog trainer, and get the dog to sit with a treat, under parental supervision.

• To only give the dog attention when the child is also receiving attention so the dog makes a better association with the child.

Following these tips will minimize conflict and teach your child to respect your dog and treat her as a member of the family.

About The Author Gene R. Sower Lucy The Wonder Dog, LLC “For The Health & Wellness Of Your Dog” Okay. Have you acquired the value of this piece of information? I’m certain you must have. We have many write-ups on health which you could go through. We want to replenish you with the surplus enlightenment on health but, for that you need to wait. http://www.lucythewonderdog.com This is a Free-Reprint article. The only requirements for publishing this article are: You must leave the article and resource box unedited. You are not allowed to change our recommendations, nor are you allowed to change the context of the article. You may not use this article in UCE (Unsolicited Commercial Email). Email distribution of this article MUST be opt-in email only. We ask that you forward a copy of the ezine or newsletter that contains the article inside to the author at: mailto:gene@lucythewonderdog.com If you post this article on a website, you MUST set any URL’s or Mailto addresses in the body of the article and most especially in the Author’s Resource Box as hyperlinks. We request that you also send us a copy of the URL where you have posted this article. If you find any of the rules to be unsavory or unacceptable, please do not publish this article. While we are happy to make the content available to you for your own use, we must insist on having our rules and *Terms of Reprint* honored in full.

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